It’s time to begin again
Begin at the beginning again
It starts with the arduous task
Of holding aloft all that is in my keep
And choosing yes or no upon it.
I hold this thing
It is an easy choice to keep
And this one in my left hand fares not so well
But it is put out without regret, for it is but a thing.
I hold this place
A few degrees more difficult a task
As thoughts of ne’er stepping foot there again
Cause my chest to heave a sigh.
I look there with longing, but decide it’s not to be.
I hold this person
I dare not look them in the eye
When I decide the fate of “us”
To continue on or to part ways is the choice to be made.
Tougher still because of my awareness
For I have gone through this before
And know the pain that comes from either path.
Yes I have been here before
At the beginning
With only the things, places, and people I chose.
Because the beginning is the only place you can truly start.
As for the rest, I have only goodbye.
This really started out with just a tiny spark – the notion that I have to “let go” of some things to be able to move forward again. And then, you know, I thought about what that really means. It means thinking a great deal about everything in your life and then making a conscious choice what to do about it. A choice and then an action to follow.
When I left my house two years ago I had to make some incredibly difficult choices. Things I left behind were really no big deal, places – like my house itself – were more difficult to part with, but the people, they were the toughest. People are so hard to let go of, because you love them and you are connected, and they are the biggest part of what makes you who you are. I knew then that making those choices meant I would also have to let go of the Punteney family, really one of the greatest families I know. But I had to begin again, and to do that I had to make sacrifices.
Another lesson to be gleaned from this experience (and reflecting upon it now that I feel as though I must go through it again, to some degree) is that it is all MY choice. It’s my life, and I have all the power to effect those changes, make those choices, and move forward in a positive direction. Sure, someone else can decide they don’t want me in their life anymore, and then I have to deal with that – but each of us is ultimately responsible for our own life, our happiness, and the consequences of our actions.
The most I can hope for at this point, is that I make good choices and that the result of this Beginning Again lands me in a better place than I am right now…